The HLC Parenting Guide

We started by listening to you...
Every parent wants to do what is best for their child. That’s easy to say but, sometimes harder to do. Over the years, Healthy Lifestyle Choices has met with groups of parents. We listened to your hopes, your challenges, and your fears for your children. Then we talked to experts in psychology, child development and behavior change. We took their experience and created this booklet as a resource for parents. It will help you talk to your children, listen to your children and nurture your children. In short, it will help you light the way for a safer, healthier future.

Now, we must listen and talk to our children...
Children want their parents to talk to them. They want to be heard, understood and loved. Talking to your child, not just once, but every day, is perhaps the most important thing you can do to help them avoid risks that can hurt them or claim their life. This book will help you talk to your children, set rules, and practice positive discipline.

If You Want Your Children
To Be Healthier And Safer,
Talk To Them.

Many parents want to keep their children healthy and safe but they
don’t know where to start. The following ideas can help you lay a good foundation as your children grow from toddlers to teens.

Preschool

	Give your child undivided attention at least once per day. Talk to them, listen and play.
	Talk about their health. Talk about their body’s need for healthy food, exercise, clean hands and trips to the doctor.
	Discipline your child by explaining the “why” behind your rules. This will help your child understand consequences and will teach self-control and good decision-making skills.
	When your child becomes frustrated, help them express themselves in words. Show them positive outlets for their feelings like jumping, running, or talking.
	Encourage your child to ask for help when they need it and be supportive.
	Each day, let your child make some meaningful decisions such as what to wear or what to eat. Praise children for making the right decisions. If the decision is a poor one, review other possible options and explain why they need to make another choice.

Kindergarten through grade three

	Continue using positive discipline, such as time-out or taking away a favorite toy or privilege, to reinforce self-control and build self esteem.
	Recognize when your child does something healthy, like eating fruits or vegetables,and praise them for making a good choice.
	You can now begin to define addiction. Tell them drug use can become a bad habit that is hard to stop.
	Explain the difference between appropriate drugs (such as prescription medication) and inappropriate drugs (like alcohol and tobacco).
	Help them understand why adults can drink alcohol but children cannot.

Grades four through nine

	Before leaving elementary school, your child should know the long-term effects of drugs, alcohol and smoking on the body and mind.
	Teach your child to be aware of how drugs, alcohol and cigarettes are marketed through television, movies and music.
	Give them alternatives for drugs, such as sports, music, church and clubs.
	Actively teach and MODEL conflict resolution skills and coping skills, like listening to others and looking for win-win solutions to problems.
	Always set aside time for listening to, not judging, what your child has to say.

Highschool

	Discuss peer pressure openly with your child.
	Provide factual information about the long-term effects of drugs, drinking and smoking
	Continue to discuss and model self-expression skills and other conflict resolution strategies.
	Stay involved in your teen’s personal life. Know who their friends are, their friends’ parents and where they are at all times.
	Make time to talk. Ask them about anything like music, movies, their dreams and plans for their future.
	Tell them often that you love them.
	Praise your teen for their efforts to make the right choices. Tell them you know how hard it is to be a teenager.
	Continue to have limits, rules and expectations of your teen, giving them added responsibility for their maturity. Let them have a voice in setting rules. Discipline Punishment

Conflict Resolution
& Violence Prevention

Background
Everyone gets angry. Everyone faces conflict. It is how a person deals with conflict that makes a difference. One of the most common reasons for conflict to build is a breakdown in communication. That is why it is important to help your child learn positive ways to deal with conflict. Here are some simple steps:

	Tell your child to cool down when they are angry or frustrated;
	If two children are upset with each other, have each child take a turn expressing their feelings without interruption;
	Have each child give an idea to solve the conflict;
	Agree to a solution or to walk away and talk about the problem when the children have calmed down.

What is violence?
Violence can range from verbal abuse and excessive spanking to more serious cases of assault and child abuse.

Where does violence begin?
Young people are not naturally violent. Violence is a learned behavior that can be unlearned. In most cases, young people learn at home, in school, from the media and from their peers how to respond to conflict.

What can YOU as a parent do about violence?
Talk to your children, starting at an early age, and often. Parents have the power to help their children become healthy, confident and secure. This is done by teaching children how to resolve conflict peacefully and how they can make smart decisions to protect themselves.

Controlling Violence Begins With Discipline
Discipline is training that is expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior; training that produces moral or mental improvement.
Punishment is defined as a penalty for wrongdoing. There is a dramatic difference between discipline and punishment. Here are some examples:

Goals of Discipline

1) The first goal is self-control and development of morality.
A child that is disciplined with fear of punishment or threat of being rejected
will only follow rules when the disciplinarian is around. Since he only behaves to avoid punishment, he will disobey when he can get away with it. A child that follows rules because she believes the rules are the right thing will behave even if no one is around.

Set clear limits and be consistent. If you said it, do it.
Give a consequence and stick to your word.

Set reasonable consequences. Take away a favorite toy or privilege.
Or, put the child in time-out. Do this consistently.

Expect your child to obey rules and praise him when he does.


2) The second goal is to boost your child’s self-esteem.
A child with healthy self esteem believes he is worthy of love and respect, and in return he can give this back to others. Parents build their child’s self esteem by taking the time to discipline with love and respect.

Talk To Your Kids About Violence

1) Talk to your child about violence.

2) Acknowledge your child’s fears about violence and talk to them at an early age and often.

3) Control your own behavior. Children will follow your lead, so don’t use physical force to resolve conflict – uses words.

4) Set rules for your children. Tell your children you won’t tolerate violent
behavior at home, at school or out in the community. Tell them teasing can
become bullying and that can get out of control.

5) Supervise your child’s exposure to media violence. Look for parental warning labels on movies, music and video games.

6) Limit TV viewing to programs that are appropriate for your child’s age and that do not promote violence.

7) Establish rules about using the Internet. Set up the computer in a family room or other open area where you are able to monitor what internet sites your child visits. You can even block access to sites that are not suitable for children.

8) Establish consequences. If your child bullies or hits another child, they should be put in “time-out” – a non-violent type of discipline.

9) Talk to your child about gangs and cliques. Young people want to feel
like they belong and are seeking support. Sometimes they are accepted by
groups that engage in negative, antisocial behavior. If you suspect your child is involved in a gang, talk to them directly about it.

10) Know who your child’s friends are. Talk to their friends’ parents about what they are allowed to do, to watch on TV, or which videos games they play when visiting. Ask other parents if there is a gun in the home. If so, make sure they have taken safety precautions to prevent an accidental shooting.

11) Know where your child is at all times. Supervise young children.

Using “I” messages when you communicate
Help your children understand that when they keep sadness and anger inside, it can hurt them. Anger that is not expressed can become violent outbursts. Sadness that is not expressed can make children want to hurt themselves or take dangerous risks. “I” messages focus on feelings, needs and thoughts. When children and adults understand “I” messages, they can be aware of their own feelings and how these emotions impact others. Help your child practice using “I” messages in this way:

The far more damaging alternative is YOU messages. For example, “YOU are
always telling me I’m fat. What do YOU know? You’re fat and ugly too.”
Help your child understand that they can prevent a fight and hurt feelings by using “I” messages.

What can you do if your child is a bully?
If your child is acting like a bully and threatening other children, you must
take action. Your child must understand that there are consequences for their
actions. You must make it clear that you disapprove of bullying. It is important
to impose the consequences in a firm but loving way.

Consequences could include time-out, having your child sit in the corner or away from the television, toys and other activities; for older children, you could have your child write down what happened, how they behaved, what they did wrong, and how they can do better in the future.

Some children are bullies because they are bored and crave excitement; others do it to feel powerful; some do it to get attention or feel popular. Whatever the reason, children must learn to control their impulses and behave in socially acceptable ways. Talk to your child and try to understand why they are acting aggressively. Then, try to explain that there are better ways to make friends and gain acceptance.

How to Make Friends
Friends can be family, schoolmates, neighbors, teachers and adults. Here are some tips to help your child make friends.

	Encourage them to play with children who like to do the same things (play on the playground, skate, etc.)
	Tell them that friends should make them feel good about themselves by accepting them, encouraging them, helping them, sharing with them and having fun with them.

Substance Abuse

Background
Substance abuse often begins when children are young. They may be curious and try smoking a cigarette. Or, they may try alcohol to fit in with a group of friends or to look “cool”. Ask your child if he or she has ever heard someone use the excuse “everybody’s doing it.” Tell them that if they ever hear that everyone is smoking, drinking or using other drugs that it is not true. In fact, MOST CHILDREN DO NOT smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol or use other drugs.

What can YOU do to help your child avoid substance abuse?
Talking about tobacco, alcohol and drugs can be difficult. But a talk about
substance use is not like a shot that you give to your child. In other words,
sitting down with them once and having “the talk” about drugs will not protect your children for all time. Talk with your children at an early age, and often, about drugs.

Here are some things you can tell your child about why
people don’t smoke, drink alcohol or use other drugs.

They are addictive and it is hard to stop once you start

They cost too much money

They make your clothes, your hair and skin smell

They can keep you from doing well in sports

They are unhealthy and illegal

They can make you hurt yourself or others, make you sick or even kill you


Other steps you can take to reduce your child’s risk of
substance use

	Be aware that your child is watching YOU. Your behavior sends a message to your child about drugs, alcohol and tobacco use.
	Enjoy activities together and keep the lines of communication open. Have regular family meetings just to talk about how things are going. Establish family rituals, routines and celebrations.
	Use “teachable” moments to discuss drug use. If you are in the car and see teens hanging out and drinking, if you see an article in the newspaper, if you’re watching TV or see a magazine ad glamorizing smoking, share these observations with your child and talk about why substance use is unhealthy.
	Know your children’s friends and their parents. Invite their friends over to your home and get to know them, find out their hobbies and interests.
	Set clear limits and expectations for behaviors. Make sure your child understands the reason behind your rules. Also make sure they know the consequences if they break a rule. Then, BE CONSISTENT.
	Between 4 p.m. and 6 p.m. is when youngsters are most likely to try drugs. Keep them busy doing constructive activities during these hours. Find a safe place with adult supervision for young children to go after school. Encourage older children to stay at school and play a sport, try out for a school play or engage in other positive activities that they enjoy.

Why Talking About Drugs Matters

	People who smoke cigarettes before age 15 are 7 TIMES MORE LIKELY to use other drugs.
	Kids who learn about the risks of drugs from their parents are 36% less likely to smoke marijuana than those who learn nothing from them. They are also 50% less likely to use inhalants, 56% less likely to use cocaine, and 65% less likely to use LSD.

	Why do some people use drugs? Ignorance, negative peer pressure, wanting to be part of a crowd, negative self image or habit.
	Cigarette smoking is a major risk factor for heart disease, cancer, stroke and emphysema. It is the single most preventable cause of illness, disability and death in the U.S.
	There are approximately 400,000 smoke-related deaths each year.
	Effects of cigarette smoking include increased heart rate, higher blood pressure, dizziness, stained teeth, fingers and fingernails, stinky breath, clothes, hair and skin, and it can increase wrinkles.
	Smokeless tobacco also contains nicotine. There are two kinds, snuff and chewing tobacco. Both cause gum recession, tooth abrasion, bone destruction, oral, mouth and throat cancers.
	Alcohol is the oldest and most widely used drug.
	Alcohol use is the #1 drug problem among youth.
	An estimated 1 in 10 teens who are drinkers will become alcoholics.
	Alcohol is a depressant. It dilates blood vessels, irritates the lining of the mouth, throat and stomach. It causes dehydration. It can inflame the liver.
	Marijuana produces more than 2,000 chemicals when it is smoked. It contains more carcinogens than tobacco smoke.
	Marijuana acts on the brain and nervous system. Traces of the drug can remain in the body for up to 30 days.
	Inhalants have a strong smell. Some people inhale vapors of hair spray, gasoline and spray paint.
	Inhalants have a strong smell. Some people inhale vapors of hair spray, gasoline and spray paint.

Safety

Background
The number one health risk for children age 14 and under is unintentional
injuries. It’s called unintentional because there really is no such thing as an
accident – 90 percent of all injuries can be prevented with proper precautions
and supervision. Examples include car accidents involving passengers or
pedestrians, drowning, fires, burns, suffocation, choking, firearm injuries,
poisoning and falls.

What can YOU as a parent do to increase your child’s safety?
It is every parent’s responsibility to take precautions to ensure the safety of their child. Supervision of your child is very important. Below are lists of other steps you can take to improve your child’s safety.

Bicycling

	Make sure your child has a protective helmet and that it is worn EVERY time they ride their bicycle.
	The bicycle should be in good condition, with adequate air in the tires and safety reflectors.
	Teach your child basic street safety. Review street signs and signal light meanings, and tell them to only cross the street at the corner or crosswalk by walking their bike across an intersection.
	Children should ride with the flow of traffic, not against it. If they are with a friend, they should ride single file, not side-by-side.
	Children should be seen. Dress them in bright clothing during the day. Do not let them ride after dark.

	Ensure your child wears protective equipment, including wrist guards, elbow pads, knee pads and a helmet. For skateboarding, there are also padded jackets and padding for the hips.
	It is dangerous to skate in the street, due to holes and rough spots.
	Look for parks with skating trails.
	Make sure skates provide firm ankle support.
	Check skates periodically to make sure the brake and wheels are not worn.
	Children should never hitch a ride from a car or bicycle.
	Discourage risky behavior – like stunts or skateboarding on ramps.

	Most playground injuries result from falls. It is best to let your child play on a playground with wood chip, mulch, sand, or rubber base.
	Make sure swings have soft seats, not metal or wood. Swings should also be far enough apart so children cannot collide into each other while swinging.
	Slides should be firmly anchored, have handrails and traction on the steps. There should also be a bar across the top of the slide so children will have to sit to slide down.
	Check seesaws and merry-go-rounds to make sure that seesaws have a tire or other object underneath to keep the seat from hitting the ground.
	Merry-go-rounds are best for school-age children. They should have good grips and should be free of sharp edges.
	53% of playground injuries are linked to climbing equipment. Children under age 4 should not play on this equipment. Older climbers should be supervised closely. Ensure handrails and steps are in good condition and make sure there is a guardrail around raised platforms.
	Remove hoods and drawstrings on clothing that could become caught at the top of the slides or in other playground equipment.

	Gun owners should always store firearms unloaded and locked, with ammunition locked in a separate location out of the reach of children.
	All parents should teach children never to touch a gun and to immediately tell an adult if they find a gun.

Home Safety
Deaths at home are caused primarily by fires, drowning, suffocation, choking, guns, poisoning and falls. We have discussed firearm and playground safety.

Below are some fire, water and poisoning safety tips.

Fire Safety

	Teach children to avoid matches, candles, lighters and lighter fluid.
	Store gasoline or kerosene in a proper container away from the house in a locked area.
	Don’t let papers, rubbish and oil rags collect – they can cause fire by spontaneous combustion.
	Keep children away from stoves, fireplaces, or open space heaters, especially when wearing loose-fitting clothes.
	Inspect fireplaces and chimneys and keep them in good condition.
	Inspect and clean your heating system every year.
	Do not overload electrical circuits.
	Buy, maintain and keep a fire extinguisher in a handy location.
	Make a fire escape plan with your children so they know 2 ways to exit in case of an emergency.
	Purchase a smoke alarm and put one on each level of your home and in every sleeping area. Make sure to place it away from the cooking area, heating or air conditioning vents.

	Make sure your child learns to swim.
	Never allow children to swim alone. They must always be supervised.
	Have a life preserver, vest or arm flotation device for children who cannot swim.
	Do not allow children to run around water or push others into water.
	Do not dive or jump into a pool unless supervised.
	Never swim during storms or lightening.
	Adults supervising children while swimming should know Cardio Pulmonary Resuscitation (CPR).
	Always have a life-saving device handy, like a rope or personal flotation device.
	Do not use glass containers near a pool or at the beach.
	Pools should be enclosed with a fence or wall. Gates should have a latch above the reach of small children.
	Inflatable toys or air mattresses are not life preservers.

Poisoning Prevention

In the Bathroom

	Have a child-proof cabinet that locks. Even if your medicine cabinet is high up, children can climb and reach a cabinet from the toilet or sink.
	Keep medication lids closed tightly.
	Never take medication in front of your child or refer to pills as candy. Children may try to mimic you taking the medicine.
	Some mouthwashes contain enough alcohol to poison a small child! Keep mouthwash out of reach of children.
	Some toilet bowl cleaners are very dangerous and can cause serious harm if swallowed.

	Hair spray, cologne, perfumes, nail polish remover and other astringents should be kept out of reach of children.
	Please tell visitors to put their medication out of a child’s reach. Many people may travel with medicine in their purse or coat jacket, and a curious child could find it.
	Throughout the house, check windowsills, walls and older furniture for peeling paint that may contain lead.

	Check under the sink for stored products that may be accessible to small children. This includes things such as bleach, rust removers, drain cleaners, oven cleaners, floor wax, etc. If you cannot remove the products, install a safety latch on the lower cupboards.
	Never store cleaning products and food together.
	Keep all chemicals in their original containers. You will need information from the labels on original containers in case of an emergency.
	Always keep cleaning fluids capped while in use. Do not leave these chemicals unattended for any period of time if toddlers are present.
	Keep the number of your local poison control center, family doctor and emergency room near the telephone.

THE LOCAL POISON CONTROL NUMBER IS
1-800-222-1222

Nutrition & Exercise

Background
As a parent, you have the power to help your child eat well-balanced, healthy meals. It is important to give your children a variety of foods and to encourage regular physical activity. Remember, in everything you do, you are a role model for your children, and they will do as you do. The information below will help your entire family form healthy eating habits.

U.S. Dietary Guidelines

	Eat a variety of foods like fruits, vegetables, lean meats, dairy products and breads.
	Balance the food you eat with exercise. If you are overweight, try to lose weight. (Ask your pediatrician to talk to you about your child’s weight at their next visit.)
	Choose a diet with plenty of grains, vegetables and fruits.
	Do not eat too many sweets or fatty foods.
	Stay away from too much salt.
	Do not abuse alcohol.

Tips for healthy eating:

	Shop the “outer edge” of the grocery store, making a big circle around the walls to visit the produce, dairy, bread and meat sections. The inner aisles of the grocery store are what get us in trouble. These aisles contain packaged mixes, canned goods and frozen foods which are all higher in salt and some in fat. Avoid them.
	If you HAVE to eat fast food, choose the smallest size offered. Order burgers without mayonnaise and skip the fries, opt for a salad instead with dressing on the side.
	When dining out, remember portion control – one half of your plate should be salad or vegetables, 1⁄4 meat, and 1⁄4 starch such as rice.
	Ask for your meat or fish to be baked or broiled instead of fried.
	Avoid sauces.
	It can be easy to forget these rules during the holidays, but try to stay the course. Look at everything BEFORE serving your plate. That way you can decide what you really want and won’t pile on too much food. Adults should prepare children’s plates at a buffet or party. Try to make only one trip to the buffet.
	Don’t starve yourself before a party to “save” calories. Just eat healthy all day so that you don’t overeat at the party. And don’t forget to drink plenty of water.
	Avoid alcohol – it really puts on weight.

3 Keys To A Balanced Diet
1) Variety – It is important to eat a variety of foods that supply all nutrients
necessary for good health. Choose different colored fruits and vegetables, and try to eat foods from all parts of the food pyramid (limiting sweets and fat).

2) Moderation – This means eating healthy foods, including vegetables,
fruits and grains, more often than you eat other foods, like fried or fatty foods. Moderation also means managing portion size.

3) Balance – Balance is the key to maintaining a healthy weight. Teach your
children that balance means to not eat too much of one thing.

The only difference between what children and adults should eat is the
number of servings daily. See the food pyramids to understand how
many servings of each group children and adults need.

The Importance of Physical Activity and Exercise

Background
Children can build healthier bodies and establish the lifelong habit of being
physically active by making physical activity a part of their everyday lives.
Parents, this is a great opportunity to be a role model for your child and improve your own health in the process. Establish a routine where you and your children walk together, or enjoy other physical activities several times per week.

How Much Physical Activity do Children Need?
All children age 5 and older should participate in at least 60 minutes of
enjoyable, moderate activities everyday such as: Household chores, walking, yard work, dancing, jumping rope, playing catch, hopscotch, basketball or other such activities.

Children 5 and older should also have the chance to do 30 minutes of vigorous physical activities 3 – 4 days each week to help their hearts and lungs work their best. Examples: Fast walking, hiking, stair climbing, jogging, running, biking, swimming, skating, soccer or basketball with continuous running.

Safety tips for engaging in physical activity
Make sure your child plays in an area that is safe. This means NEVER in the
street, not on concrete, but on a grassy or padded area. Children should ALWAYS be supervised by an adult. Clothing should be appropriate for the sport or activity and the weather. This means bright colored clothing so they are easily seen, and jackets or sweaters if it is cold.

Always use recommended safety equipment such as helmets, knee and elbow pads, reflectors, mouth guards for contact sports and life vests in open water.

Start with low to moderate activities and work up to more vigorous activity.
Children should not get too tired or winded while exercising. Drink 2 or more glasses of water before, during and after exercising. Always make sure there is adult supervision.

Helping Your Child Succeed in School

READ!

	Encourage reading by starting early. Read to your child when he/she is still a baby. Make it part of your daily routine.
	Keep lots of appropriate reading material in your home, such as books, newspapers and magazines.
	Let your child see you reading. When your child sees that reading is important to you, it is likely that it will become important to him/her too.
	Get help if your child has a reading problem. No matter how long it takes, most children can learn to read with the proper support and encouragement.

Talk with Your Child

	Talking and listening play major roles in children’s school success. Children who haven’t learned to listen carefully often have trouble following directions and paying attention in class.
	Find time to talk any place such as in the car or on the bus, while shopping, as you make dinner or while doing other chores together around the house, during TV time and while walking or playing together.
	Show interest in what your child has to say. Set an example of being a good listener.

Monitor Homework

	Let your child know that you value education.
	Have a special, quiet space for your child to complete homework and study.
	Set regular time for homework.
	Remove distractions during homework time. No TV, video games or phone calls. If distractions can’t be avoided, your child may want to complete assignments in the local library.
	Don’t expect or demand perfection. If you have criticisms or suggestions, make them in a helpful way.